After school can be pretty challenging in most homes. Your child can present quite frustrated, emotional, irritable or frustrated, it is also referred to as after school restraint collapse. It can be really confusing for us as parents as we may be getting glowing reports from the teacher! We all have to blow off steam or decompress from time to time, and we are all most likely to this in our safest place, in a place where we will be loved unconditionally! We all decompress appropriately and inappropriately at times, whether its arguing with our partners as adults or throwing a tantrums as toddlers. Adults have lots of different ways of decompressing “appropriately” in ways that don’t impact others negatively; some enjoy a glass of wine, a bath, some chocolate, a book, the gym, a social media scroll, yoga. Kids need the very same!

Having kids myself it has become more and more apparent that sometimes after playing by the rules they need to let loose. “What do you mean playing by the rules?” I hear you say? The rules of school, society and community, all new and novel to our young children. The constant rules and corrections of school and childcare like; “Don’t shout”, “Don’t run”, “Stop talk”, “eat your lunch now”, “drink more”, “go to the toilet now”, “colour here”, “stand there”, “hold hands”, “read this” and so on!! Its a significant level of demand and compliance in an environment they feel compelled to conform! So after a few jam packed hours of learning societies expectations of you, you may have a little steam to blow off. Right?

As parents we need to support, accommodate and even facilitate that decompression! Sometimes they’ll seek it and it will be accomplished in an effective way and sometimes they won’t and we then as parents find ourselves trying to manage unwanted behaviour’s.

Let me go through my top suggestions to support that after school frustration.

One of the most important transition of our day with our kids is when we reunite after separation. School collection is most often that time for many. Cover the basic needs which can impact regulation and behaviour have a drink and a snack to hand they can have it in the car if necessary. One other basic is you the parent, your vibe greet them with a small, adornment and connection this warmth and welcome wll hopefully remind them they are home. In my experience the majority of kids often fall into two categories after school the child that doesn’t want to talk and is irritable, annoyed with even the existence of their siblings and then there is the child who is full of pent up frustration and needs to a physical release to regulate.

For the little student who just has enough and needs a break I recommend;

• Reducing the questions you may have about school. Not to seem disinterested let them know you are there and interested but perhaps hold off on investigating their day just yet.
• Ask them if they want the car radio on or off. Even the biggest music lover may say no at this time of day. It can be quite overstimulating in a confined space when you aren’t quite feeling yourself.
• This child may also really enjoy having their music/audio stories device and some headphones in the car. Utilising things like the Tonie box at this time can be a great way for them to decompress, relax but also escape. Escape the siblings who may only be breathing but its causing bickering. T
• Activities this child might enjoy doing once home; colouring, sand, playdoh, water play these can be all so therapeutic. Never underestimate the pleasure in squeezing, rolling, pressing and cutting up it can be a real realise for some kids. Pastry is a great alternative too and adds another texture to this sort of session.

For the child that is frustrated and needs that physical output we may do the very same as before but add in some more heavy duty options;

• They might prefer music to make the body move. A lot of kids find physical input and movement and great release of tension.
• The child who likes to be physical in their regulation and decompression I like to remind them they are home now come on lets be silly lets be loud, lets be cuckoo. Basically all the things you may feel you were supressing all day. Lets dance like dinosaurs, stomping, lets sing like this really fast or really slow! Remind them they are not in school now and you are not the teacher so lets be silly. Lets play. You are home now!
• Exercise, when home see what your child needs before jumping into homework
• When you are home they enjoy some gross motor activities that can help with frustrations and help physically regulate a child all in the hopes of reducing inappropriate behaviour and nurturing their needs. Activities like Trampoline jumping, kicking a ball, cycling a bike,
• Make a fort; The best part is it can be done in any room with whatever you have in the house. Climbing, balancing, lifting and crawling are great not to mention creating something of your own that has no right or wrong!
• Dance Party; Volume up, furniture back and start to boogie make an absolute ass of yourself and they’ll love it and you’ll feel pretty good afterwards too.

Remember one of the most confusing parts of parenting is that they are ever changing and some activities may be exactly what they need some days and not others. Mondays child tends to be very different to Thursdays child in this house. Don’t be surprised if its full on physical early in the week and that same energy just isn’t in there by Thursday and they are seeking the quieter more down time approach.  Use this as a reference to help find your child’s rhythm and reconnect after a hard days work of school. I hope you find this helpful. Rest assured every family is struggling to navigate something. Breathe and remember you are doing your best, and your best is always good enough. 

Enjoy Dee